I think sometimes it's best to write plainly and simply about the ways God is working in our lives. Oftentimes, I find myself reaching for impressive and vague language, hoping to capture my intentions within lyrical words and phrases. And while that is enjoyable and makes for beautiful writing, it tends to leave my soul unsettled. I begin to realize I did not get the words out of my head in a simple enough way. I realize they are still trapped somewhere deep in the subconscious, hiding behind new words and well thought out sentences. So here it goes.
I was supposed to be married by now. I was supposed to be living in a new city with my new husband, ready to finish school online and find a job I loved. But God had other plans for me. Before I knew it, I was packing up my college apartment and moving back home. Why had my life taken such an unexpected turn?
Shortly after moving back home to live with my parents, one of my best friends asked if I wanted to find a place with her in our hometown. We began the search, which was impossible and frustrating because there are little to no places available for rent where we live. We had given up on finding anything. But God was just getting started.
When I got the call that there was a unit available for rent right across the street from where my younger brothers are living, I knew it was God sent. For the three and a half years I had been away at school and preoccupied with my then long-term relationship, I had drifted apart from both of them. I absolutely hated that we were not as close as we used to be. Now, living across the street with them, my days are filled with spending time at each others' houses and random text messages from them that read, "hey, are you busy?" "Want to go to El Cap with us?" "Want to go to the pool?" Nearly every weekend is spent with them. I've gotten to know them as the adults they have grown into. They know everything about me. We've exchanged stories that will stay between the three of us for the rest of our lives. And I am grateful that this is where God decided I needed to be. Now, looking back, I cannot fathom the idea of being in a city so far away from them right now.
My brothers and I, and nearly all of our friends, are single. A year ago, when I was in a long term relationship that I thought would last forever, I remember thinking, "wow, I'm so glad I'm on the right timeline for life. I'm going to graduate college and get married right after, and I'll probably be engaged before I'm done with school. I would be so sad if I was still single, about to embark on this next chapter with no husband." But guess what? That is exactly where I am now--on my own, learning to be independent, caring for myself, and figuring it out day by day. And what I used to view as the worst possible scenario is now one of the greatest gifts God has given me.
Being single alongside my siblings and friends has been one of the best things for me. I don't owe my time and attention to anyone; I am simply focused on my friends and on who I am continuously growing to be. I am learning who I am, who God created me to be, and what I want my life to be. And I know for a fact that when I'm old, I will look back on this season and think, "that was one of the best chapters of my life." There is nothing but fondness flooding through the doors of this present space, and I'd be content staying here for a little while. The plans I originally had for my life would have pulled me away from all that God wanted me to experiences right here, right now. I can't believe I almost missed out on this. I know now, months later, that God had my best in mind when he flipped my world upside down. I am thankful things happened the way they did.
Life is almost never going to go the way we plan. But if I've learned anything over the last seven months, it's that God does answer our prayers. It's just sometimes not in the way we expect him to answer. But He has not let me down yet. Not once. So I am continuing to trust, lean in, grow, and keep living. I can feel myself stepping into a brand new chapter. My soul feels the shift coming; my heart physically feels the rush, anticipation, and excitement. A new door is opening, and I can't wait to meet all that God has waiting for me on the other side. But for now, I am happy I'm here, and I am happy that God has continued to guide me.
